Resolutions

No more writing "so in reality" more than one time per paragraph.

Goodbye to picking my nose in public, even in the relative privacy of my car.

I am done with sniffing my armpits.

Ditto with making chitchat with my dog during our walks.

The bourgeois will have to be epatered ... without me.

Fewer adjectives, hardly any adverbs, strictly economical with colons.

I am giving up on fast food ... except on long road trips, if even then.

I have beat off to the Rolling Stone cover of Brad Pitt probably for the last time.

I would have to say that my jelly wrestling days are now well behind me.

Never again will I pee against the wall of a museum.

I can no longer in good conscience debate Libertarians.