Thursday, May 29, 2008

What Happened

As get rich quick schemes go, none is more honorable than writing a tell-all screed attacking the credibility and character of the President and his flying monkeys. But Scott McClellan will not be seeing my $27.95 for his new book confirming what the rest of us knew five years ago.

Let's face it--Republicans aren't good liars--they never have been--they are so successful only because they say what 90% of Americans want to believe is true. If you weren't already inclined to think that smoking marijuana causes homosexuality or that catsup is a vegetable, Ronald Reagan's saying so would not convince you. And if you didn't already think that the President and his advisers would never do anything to jeopardize America's security and rule of law, no White House Press Secretary has even bothered to offer a shred of evidence to convince you otherwise.

Frankly, if I were a Hollywood casting agent asked to find an actor to play an arrogant asshole whose shifty eyes give away his own untrustworthiness, I'd be on the phone to the Oval Office this instant.

So I hope McClellan makes a billion dollars off his book. I hope Americans will gasp in awe at news they should have had the good sense to figure out for themselves years ago. I hope the upteenth time America "loses its innocence" won't be too rough on everybody this go-round. And I hope Bush, Cheney, et al., won't be able to get a good table at Jeffrey's Restaurant ever again, since I truly despair of getting to see them behind bars or in stocks.

If I decide to go with political beach reading this summer, I might go with Vincent Bugliosi's The Prosecution of George W. Bush for Murder--for the title alone. Besides, it's a buck cheaper, and I saw VB speak 30 years ago, and his description of Charles Manson scared the shit out of me.

Or I may save all my money for the book that blows the lid off the claim that the oil companies are powerless to control the rising cost of fuel.

As for McClellan, I'll wait till they make his book into an opera.

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